Posts Tagged ‘DeLorean’

Factory Farming 2.0

August 20, 2010 5 comments

Factory farming? What’s that all about?

Let me break it down for you, in case it’s been a while since you opened a history textbook. A long time ago man harnessed the power of nature. Somehow Leonardo da Vinci, Barack Obama, the Olsen twins, Keanu Reeves and The Dalai Lama hit up Stephen Hawking for a ride in his dimensional-bending DeLorean so they could go back in time 100,000 years for a picnic. While snacking they mistakenly ran into a prehistoric man they thought was a Mexican migrant worker who had hitchhiked with them. They told the guy to go and plant the leftover seeds from their apple cores and to try and catch that wandering goat so they could have some milk for their tea. Little did they know that they had taught farming to prehistoric man. Only when they returned to present day did they realize that they had altered history, but when they tried to go fix the timeline a buzzed Obama crashed the DeLorean into a herd of previously non-domesticated cattle. And the rest, they say, is history.


Fast forward to today. I’ll wait while you catch up…

Farming has become an industry, and some of the things we do in farms are a little out of whack with nature, here’s a little list for you:

  1. We give animals hormones to allow them to grow faster or breed faster.
  2. We castrate the males to reduce the male sexual development and behavioral urges.
  3. We feed them high calorie, low nutrient foods to make them fatter.
  4. We supplement their feed with nutrients because the food is so poor and malnourished animals are less tasty.
  5. We keep the animals penned into small areas to maximize profit, even though this creates more of a health burden with the lack of fresh air and sunlight.
  6. We plaster them with antibiotics and vaccines because they are so densely packed that a sick animal could take out the entire operation.
  7. We quickly separate mothers from their newborns to allow them to rebreed quicker.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like cheap food. But something… nags… at… my… brain…

Wait a minute! Check out this new list!

  1. Hormones in the milk we drink has been linked to girls going through puberty younger, meaning even more PRE-TEEN pregnancies.
  2. Chemicals in our plastics and hormones in our food have been implicated in reducing the fertility of males and creating feminized characteristics. (pthalates, BPA, rBGH, IGF-1)
  3. Processed foods are laced with calorie-adding ingredients like high fructose corn syrup and countries are seeing obesity rates from 40% to 75% of the population.
  4. Nutritional supplements are being consumed at greater and greater levels as the food we eat becomes nutrient-poor and malnourished people are more pasty. In the US nutritional supplements are a $25 billion dollar industry.
  5. From cubicles in highrises to suburban communities where neighbors can reach out and touch adjoining homes, we spend more time indoors packed tightly for maximum profit and this lack of fresh air and exercise has created an immense health burden.
  6. We plaster ourselves with antibiotics, vaccines and other drugs to maintain our health in an increasingly unhealthy environment.
  7. The rates of caesarian sections and formula usage reduce the natural effects of breastfeeding as a natural birth control mechanism allowing us to rebreed quicker.
    Uh-oh… I think WE are being factory farmed! I just haven’t figured out by whom yet!

Yes, this post is only half serious, because the other half is pretty damn funny.  Seriously though, modern food will kill you.